Everyone experiences grief differently and there is no right or wrong way to feel. While it can feel overwhelming at times, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Grief is often associated with losing someone you love, although loss can come in many forms. Some of us may experience a loss of independence, such as decreasing mobility or transitioning into care, while others may be faced with a life-changing health diagnosis. For many, grief can begin before a loss occurs. This is called anticipatory grief; it may be felt months or years before loss, and often brings a mix of emotions, such as sadness, guilt, helplessness or relief.
We all experience grief differently; until we are in it, we don't know how we will react. The size of our grief is often relative to the size of our loss. The death of a partner, friend or pet is not an event to 'move on' from, as its impact is ongoing. Grief can accumulate over time and resurface unexpectedly, like coming across a power bill in your partner's name.
Anticipatory grief can bring similar waves of emotion, like grieving lost opportunities, or wondering if this is the last time you'll celebrate a birthday with a loved one. It is common to feel conflicted, wanting to remain hopeful while also preparing for reality. There are actions we can take to ensure the grief doesn't rule our lives.
It's important that you are an active participant in your own grieving process. Give yourself permission to acknowledge how you feel. Some people will experience anger, sadness, or hopelessness, while others may feel a physical weight or emptiness in their body. Accepting your grief allows you to begin separating how you feel from who you are - "I feel angry" rather than "I am angry". It's a subtle shift in mindset, but one that gives you space to take a breath and reflect on your situation from a distance.
Guilt is a common reaction to grief too, whether it's feeling you should have done more, wishing your loved one's suffering would end, or allowing yourself moments of happiness. You don't need to diminish the negatives to accept the positives in your life. Give yourself permission to be happy about even the smallest things. It's important not to lose what you have to what you have lost.
We can often be unwilling to share our feelings with others, so as to not 'burden' them with our problems. But it's important to share your grief. If you feel comfortable, open up to those you trust about how you're feeling (you may find you're not alone in what you're going through). Otherwise, talk to someone impartial to help share the load. This could be a counsellor, social worker, or trusted member of your community, such as a leader from your spiritual/religious group.
Remember, you are not alone:
Freephone or text 1737 talk to a trained counsellor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Updated: 3 Aug 2026