If you're worried about a friend who seems withdrawn, low, or no longer interested in things they used to enjoy, the most important thing you can do is reach out. Many people experiencing depression or emotional distress become isolated, and may be reluctant to ask for help. A caring conversation can make a real difference.
Encourage them to seek support
If your friend tells you they've been feeling low, anxious or overwhelmed for some time, encourage them to talk to their GP or another health professional.
Many older people are comfortable discussing physical concerns but may find it harder to talk about their mental health. Some worry about being a burden, while others believe feeling down is simply something they have to accept as they get older. In reality, depression is not a normal part of ageing, and effective support and treatments are available.
Offering practical support can help. You could:
- Help them make an appointment.
- Drive them to the medical centre.
- Accompany them to their first visit if they'd like a support person.
- Help them find information about local support services.
Remember that depression isn't the only possibility
While depression may be one explanation for changes in mood or behaviour, there can be many reasons someone becomes withdrawn.
Possible contributing factors include:
- Physical illness or ongoing pain
- Side effects of medication
- Grief or bereavement
- Loneliness or social isolation
- Dementia or other cognitive changes
- Major life changes, such as ending paid work, moving house, or becoming a caregiver
This is why a professional assessment can be important if you're concerned.
Know when to act urgently
If you are worried about your friend's safety, or they talk about wanting to die or harming themselves, seek help immediately. You can call 111 in an emergency, or contact 1737, a free service that connects people with a trained counsellor at any time of the day or night.
Looking after yourself matters too
Supporting someone who is struggling can be emotionally demanding. Remember that you can't solve everything on your own. Your role is to be a caring friend, and sometimes that's exactly what's needed.
Find out more about what you can do at depression.org.nz. It has important information that will help you and your friend take the next step.
Updated: 8 Jul 2026