Does my carer really need a break?

Caring for someone requires dedication, empathy and resilience, meaning carers also need support to avoid exhaustion. 

Becoming a caregiver for a family or friend or becoming a recipient of care are roles that tend to creep up on us. Life can gradually become focused around appointments and medications, and before you know it, these roles have become full-time positions.

If this happens, you and your carer may lose sight of the things that bring you both joy. Being a full-time carer can be overwhelming, and it is all too easy for carers to start believing they are struggling because they are not ‘good enough’ or 'strong enough'. But they are not the problem, in the same way you are not a problem either - the issues and obstacles that arise because of the system are the problem.

Just like we needed holidays during our working life, we need breaks from the roles of caregiver/receiver to feel refreshed. Here, we explore some possible ways you can both take care of yourselves.

Your support network

No matter how capable a person is, everyone benefits from support. Creating a family/whānau support plan can help spread responsibilities and ensure caring remains sustainable over time. However, it’s not always possible to receive help from family or friends; they may live far away, or need to stay in paid work. In these cases, private support services may be able to help. Additional support can create opportunities for you and your carer to continue doing the things that matter most to you both.

Keep joy in your lives

If you’re feeling stuck in a bit of a rut, try breaking up your normal routine - you could use a companion driving service or the Total Mobility Scheme so both you and your carer can head out for an afternoon treat. Depending on your situation, it might be worthwhile designating some “non-carer” hours during the day. Once those hours hit, try avoid discussing medication or symptoms -- during this time you are partners or friends again, not nurse and patient.

Showing appreciation for your carer matters, but so does encouraging them to keep having a life beyond caring. A break can take many forms. While your carer is relaxing, you could spend a few hours with friends, try out a day programme, or book some formal support at home. You could even go for a short stay in a care home through respite services if you are eligible. If your carer provides full time support (4-8 hours per day), you maybe be able to get respite funding.

Practical matters

Studies show that education reduces carer stress and can help you both feel more prepared. Many organisations provide free education, resources, and training on different health conditions. Check online or contact your local Age Concern to ask about where you might find these services.

Other websites that offer useful information for carers and the importance of taking a break include Carers New Zealand and the Ministry of Social Development.